If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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