Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
