I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize