I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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