I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
