life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
