I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
