I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
