I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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