Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
