I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
