I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
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He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
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We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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