swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize