Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
