any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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