he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
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Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
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Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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