thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
