I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
