He is such a slut. More and more my type.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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