All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
