Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
