You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
