I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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