did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
