i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
