just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
