You can't motorboat a personality
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
