She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
