I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
