I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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