If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I know her cup size but not her name....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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