no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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