just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
