omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
