I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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