Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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