what if every blade of grass was a penis?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
