You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
