My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
