Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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