How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
