nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
