I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
