Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
