you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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