It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
