I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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