im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
