There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
