If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
