Do you still have your period?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Panties = found
Randomize
