rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
