so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
