my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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