If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
