What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
