He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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