I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
