i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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