I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
