Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
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