Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
