Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic