I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.