i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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