Texts From Last Night

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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.

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  (336): He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters. http://tfl.nu/0ibe
  Replies (12) Good night (807) Bad night (3133)
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  (956): View more from Texas

  im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.

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  (956): im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober. http://tfl.nu/pinp
  Replies (10) Good night (2730) Bad night (1149)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?

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  (775): Why is the garage door in the middle of the street? http://tfl.nu/rc41
  Replies (13) Good night (4317) Bad night (1668)
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  (925): View more from California

  if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars

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  (925): if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars http://tfl.nu/yl19
  Replies (16) Good night (5263) Bad night (1361)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat

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  (781): you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat http://tfl.nu/04qy
  Replies (8) Good night (3179) Bad night (1015)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS

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  (541): THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS http://tfl.nu/c3uu
  Replies (15) Good night (2405) Bad night (717)
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  (631): View more from New York

  He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.

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  (631): He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment. http://tfl.nu/k4e4
  Replies (4) Good night (583) Bad night (868)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever

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  (+44): I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever http://tfl.nu/y8hk
  Replies (29) Good night (2841) Bad night (759)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"

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  (512): They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do" http://tfl.nu/5kcu
  Replies (8) Good night (3045) Bad night (624)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  My day in three words: secret purse cake

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  (847): My day in three words: secret purse cake http://tfl.nu/hvdp
  Replies (0) Good night (630) Bad night (492)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.

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  (775): I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend. http://tfl.nu/fd7v
  Replies (3) Good night (833) Bad night (398)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Did you run away?

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I DANCED AWAY.

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  (615): I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat (615): And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing (203): Did you run away? (615): I DANCED AWAY. http://tfl.nu/ipjx
  Replies (2) Good night (1009) Bad night (480)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.

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  (586): I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down. http://tfl.nu/ak0v
  Replies (3) Good night (1182) Bad night (396)
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  (415): View more from California

  I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.

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  (415): I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids. http://tfl.nu/608j
  Replies (2) Good night (798) Bad night (331)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.

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  (513): Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one. http://tfl.nu/jklt
  Replies (0) Good night (475) Bad night (432)

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