I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.