I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
