how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
