I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
