You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
