dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
