Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
