grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
