I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
