We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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