She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
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