I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize