Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
